1-1-11 More or Less Moments

3:00 p.m. I am in the comfort of my own bed, with my white Mac on my lap, pondering about the great things that I wish and hope for the the year 2011. Every year, a brand new start is always refreshing, and there were times where I would like to plan every aspect of my life. It is serves as a gateway for something better, and a closure for the things that you weren't satisfied from the previous year. BALANCE is always the art that one needs to attain and discover, which is also relative for every person.

Physically, I want to exercise more and eat less. It's always like this. because that is apparently better. But which one makes you happier? I love eating chocolates, trying new food. Exercise.. I'm good at it on the first couple of weeks..lose it.. then keep it again as I would lose and gain 5 to 10 pounds throughout the year. And so the challenge for this year would be to see the balance between loving what I eat, but not too much of it, and exercise as much that I would be able to keep myself in shape, but not too much that I would get exhausted and quit in the end.

Mentally, I am exploring still with how I can reach my maximum potential, being a triple degree holder. Here in the U.S., everything needs certification. I want to use my medical degree, while working as an ICU nurse in the hospital. Yes, I am a foreign educated doctor who is working as a nurse, trying to live my American Dream. I am hoping that the dreams will still fuel my desire for further growth as a health professional. I am happy with my profession of taking care of people. I just wish I could do more.

Emotionally, still unattached. True.. people ask me "Why?". If I would have known the answer, it would have been easier. The pressure of getting married seems to be less at this point. I know I can survive on my own. I can support myself. But still...I know I want to be in love again. I want to meet the right person. I have tried dating for the past months, and I had the notion that it would be easy. I look into his eyes, he'll tell me how much he loves me. We kiss and make love. then get married and have kids. Isn't that how easy life should be? But there is no hard calculus when it comes to relationships.

Spiritually, I want to pray more. Listen to my God, for His guidance in every moment. I have been a prayerful person since I was younger. My mother even thought that I would have joined the congregation, as I was inclined to works of charity and service. But as you grow older, the commandments seem to be harder to follow, and the world starts to look like a gray area. One cannot live doing right 100%, all the days of their lives. And reality sinks in, your humanity of imperfection bites you, and then you realize, this is the reason that you need a GOD...

My random thoughts for the beginning of the year. I am clinging to HOPE, LOVE and JOY. in the end, my goal is to live my life to the fullest :) Happy New Year!